Self Forgiveness: How to Release the Past and Move Forward with Freedom

Self forgiveness isn't about pretending the past didn't happen; it's about making peace with it so it no longer defines the way you see yourself. Incorporating self forgiveness into your daily routine and healing work can have life changing effects. I hope the following article and practical exercise offers you some insight and peace of mind.

Have you ever had something happen that you really wish had turned out differently? Maybe you move on with your life, but the regret sticks around in your psyche and in your chest, resurfacing periodically. These kinds of regrets can be heavy and consuming, especially if we don’t acknowledge and release them.

The truth is, everybody makes mistakes. Everybody has regrets. It is a big part of being human. But even when we make a mistake or do something we later regret, we are still lovable. We are still worthy. We are still deserving.

When regrets resurface, this is not something to be ignored. It’s an invitation for us to go deeper into self love. It’s an invitation for us to grow.

Part of loving ourselves unconditionally is accepting everything that’s happened in our past. Letting go of regrets, whether this be a small mistake from yesterday or a big event that happened years ago, is something we deserve to do wholeheartedly.

Self forgiveness doesn't mean to condone hurting others or poor behavior. In fact, an important step in releasing self blame is reflecting on what happened, understanding where we may have gone wrong, and coming up with a plan to move forward with changed behavior. This reflection can help us break cycles of repeating painful patterns. It's one of the healthiest things we can do for ourselves and those around us!

Below is a simple four step exercise to help you let go of self blame and move on. Feel free to come up with your own exercise if one works better for you. And if it’s helpful, you can use this resource as a daily practice, because self love and forgiveness really is a continuous practice.

4 Step Self Forgiveness Exercise:

1. Identify what it is exactly that you’re regretting. What happened and what feelings & thoughts are coming up in relation to this memory? It can be helpful to journal about this or use another method of self reflection. Your feelings are valid and they deserve to be acknowledged.

2. Consider what lessons this experience has taught you. Consider how you can move forward with this new awareness and different actions so that you don’t have to go through something like this again.

3. Using spoken or written affirmations, make peace with what happened. For example, “I see what happened now. My past actions are not a reflection of my inherent worth. I forgive myself and I release this.”

4. Close your eyes and visualize yourself in a safe place - one that’s either special to you or it can be completely imaginary. You may find that when you begin the visualization, a place will naturally appear. Imagine yourself taking this regretful experience in your hands. Then, throw it up in the air like confetti, and watch the confetti fall. Then, turn around and walk away.

If the regret is persistent, which is completely normal, it may take more thoughtful, repeated intentions to clear it. If you’re still having trouble releasing the memory, here are some extra tips:

• Try to pay closer attention to your thoughts and feelings, and when you catch yourself looping back to the regret, identify that you're thinking about it.

• Remind yourself you've already made peace with this regret, and then direct your focus to something else.

It must be a very human thing, to beat ourselves up for things we regret. But the truth is that each one of us deserves a clean slate. If we let our past dictate our present and future, we wouldn’t get very far!

I'll leave you with some wise words from Charlie Puth:

“Please don't beat yourself up. Know you've made some mistakes. But you know it means something, to live one more day.”